I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
