I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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