just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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