We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
