i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
