You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's blow job season.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
