Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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