he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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