But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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