are you so shy because you have an std?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
