I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
