how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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