Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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