I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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