my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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