I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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