quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
