u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
