You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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