i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
