i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
