He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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