I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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