Are we in a gay sports bar?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
