Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
