My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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