I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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