Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
