yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
