This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
