Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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