Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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