I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
