He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
