His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
