I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
