her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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