I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
