I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
