Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
