i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
