Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
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