Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
