it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
