I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
