i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
