I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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