Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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