hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
