Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
