I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
