he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
