She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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