We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
