in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
there is puke in my bra ... again
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